


Happy Birthday to Me..

by keygasmic



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 13:04:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15558333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keygasmic/pseuds/keygasmic
Summary: Another year rolls by, another shot goes down.





	Happy Birthday to Me..

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to my LJ 02/07/2013

Several of the italics are lyrics taken from a couple of Epik High songs and [this gif](http://25.media.tumblr.com/b6fdab841e25cd9938489b9ee731fc8d/tumblr_mftpepON0R1rq4ic8o1_400.gif) (nsfw) was the inspiration for the sex– credit to the owner!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 _Yeah, I’m getting drunk. The sun… until it rises, let’s drink.  
Happy, happy birthday._  
  
  
Another year, another drink, to another useless digit.  
  
Kibum sighs as he downs his fifteenth shot, the liquor no longer burning as it slides down his throat. He does this every year; drinks himself to the ground. Drinks himself into another number.  
  
His life seems meaningless, worthless.  
  
He’s a shell of his former self.  
  
A pale, dull – near lifeless – and disgustingly drunk by this point, image of former himself.  
  
He’d lost the majority of his friends over the past couple of years, only a few acquaintances and a bartender remaining.  
  
The man behind the bar smiled sadly at his usual customer and long-time friend, around this time of the year at least, and pushed another glass Kibum’s way.  
  
The blond smiled widely and drew the lip of the cup to his chin, “Thank you, good sir!” he chortled and tipped his head back, swallowing the dark concoction in one mouthful. He slammed the glass down and let out a low wheeze, his body swaying and fighting to stay upright.  
  
“I think it’s time to call it quits, Kibum-ah.”  
  
“I think you’re right, Jinki.” He hiccupped and bobbed his head in agreement, sliding off the barstool and stumbling to the exit.  
  
The man behind the bar sighed, brow furrowed in concern, “I’m sorry, Kibum-ah.”  
  
He wasn’t usually a big drinker, his alcoholic tendencies only seeming to surface around this particular time of the year. The period where his heart ached beyond repair, and the only way to dull the unbearable pain suffocating his heart was to drown it in liquor and try to forget.  
  
  
 _Yeah, I’m drunk. My tears… until they dry, let’s drink.  
Happy, happy birthday._  
  
  
Kibum staggers through his doorway, the piece of wood slamming ungracefully behind him. He yanks off his jacket and kicks off his boots, the remainder of his clothing following until he reaches the small bathroom.  
  
With eyes glazed over, he avoids his reflection and makes his way to the alcove, turning on the water to the hottest temperature and lowering himself until he is sat at the base of the spray.  
  
The spray could only hide the burn off his cheeks for so long though, the stream turning cold within forty minutes. He waits another ten before pressing himself to the tiled wall and reaching up to turn the taps off.  
  
He remains like that until he can no longer feel the burn.  
  
  
 _I feel dead already- mediocre. Insecure about my existence..._ (without you).  
  
  
The bed is too big for just one person.  
  
 _“Happy birthday, hyung.”_ he whispers, and you swear you can feel his lips brush across the shell of your ear. _“Did you have a good day?”_ your laughter is a strangled mixture between a choke and a sob. _“Don’t be like that, hyung, I’m here now...”_  
  
It’s almost as if he is pressed snugly against your back, his chin tucked into the space between your neck and shoulder, his breathe puffing against your jaw.  
  
 _“You know how much I love you right, hyung?”_  
  
How could you not?  
  
His lips burn a trial up your jaw, across your cheek, until they brush the corner of your lips. It’s quick and almost not there, but you hold onto the feeling and roll onto your stomach, tears soaking the sheet beneath you.  
  
Your head feels light, the alcohol still burning through your bloodstream.  
  
 _“Hyung,”_ his lips draw a path down your naked back, his tongue marking the final spot.  
  
You bite back another sob.  
  
 _“I love you so much, you know that right?”_  
  
“Y-Yeah, Taeminnie… I know.” It’s barely a whisper, “I love you, too.”  
  
You can feel him grin against your lower back, the tip of his jaw pressing into your skin as his jaw accommodates, _“I’ll make it up to you, okay?”_  
  
You shake your head, “No, it’s okay…”  
  
 _“It’s not.”_ his words are firm, _“It’s not okay.”_  
  
You have no words, another chocked sob slipping past your lips. Your knuckles are white with the force you’re using to grip the sheet. “Please…”  
  
  
 _Sometimes my world is filled by this vicious love  
It sometimes even burns my heart_  
  
  
The dull burn as he enters you is nothing compared to the burn in your chest, your heart constricts with mixed feelings of joy and heartbreak. Your neck is craning back so your lips can press to his, his girth isn’t anything special, but it fills you perfectly and you want to sob and laugh at once and just hold him against you forever.  
  
You want this moment to last forever.  
  
It doesn’t last nearly as long as you want, but you’re left with a small warmth once again in your heart. He continues to rock against you, your lips pressing messily against his, neck still craned awkwardly toward him.  
  
It’s perfect.  
  
The alcohol and sex have caught up with you and you feel yourself drifting, you try your best to fight it, but his palm smooths over your forehead and you let his gentle touch lull you to sleep.  
  
  
 _My brain is jumbled together in my empty heart  
Even the pain is sweet,_  
  
  
Kibum wakes with a start, his phone chiming obnoxiously beside his bed.  
  
“Good morning, sunshine!” Jonghyun’s voice is like razorblades against his skull, “Happy birthday!”  
  
Kibum drops the phone, not caring of his friend on the other end and curls in on himself, tears already clouding his vision.  
  
The bed is empty beside him, the dull ache in his heart is back and the marks Taemin left the night before are a mere memory.  
  
  
 _Happy happy birthday to you._  
Happy happy birthday to you.  
Happy happy birthday to you.  
Happy happy birthday to me


End file.
